Comedian Shannon DeVido on how she usually answers these 10 common questions about being a wheelchair user
1. How do you go to the bathroom?
I didn’t do well in science, but from what I can tell, after I drink a lot of water or eat, after a few hours, my body lets me know it needs to come out…unless I eat Chipotle, then it’s only about 30 mins. Worth it though.
2. How fast does that thing go?
Sadly, not as fast as I want. If I had my way, I’d “pimp my chair” so it’d be able to go on a highway, but my family don’t think it’s very “safe”. Also, I often hear “you’re going to get a speeding ticket!” Nope. Not true. Not even in a school zone.
3. Can you have sex?
I think you need to buy me a nice dinner and be interested in my extensive Harry Potter knowledge before I answer this question for you.
4. Do you sleep in your chair?
This often comes from kids, so I will usually say, “No, because the stuffed animals on my bed would be lonely.” To adults I just eye roll.
5. Does she need something? (Asked to the person I’m with)
Hi! Down here! You can talk to me! I graduated college, Cum Laude. I’m pretty good at ordering chicken fingers.
6. Do you know [insert name here]? He’s also in a wheelchair.
Steve McSteverson? Yeah! He’s usually at the underground wheelchair meetings where we talk about stupid questions.
7. What’s wrong with you?
Plenty! Just ask my therapist! Honestly, I don’t mind when people ask me about my specific disability, but when it’s said in this curt manner it makes me feel like I should think there’s something wrong with me just for being a wheelchair user.
8. Is your boyfriend in a wheelchair too?
No, James McAvoy is not a wheelchair user… unless he’s playing Professor X. Then yes.
9. Can I get a ride?
How much are you paying me? Rates go up during peak hours and big events. #WheelchairUber
10. Do you need help?
Nope. I’m good. Thank you for asking. I promise I’ll ask if I need it.
**Disclaimer: I’m not actually dating James McAvoy. Sorry, rumour factory and apologies to his incredibly attractive wife.**
Written by Shannon DeVido